Inadequate
by Raberba girl
Summary: Stuff happens.
1. Inadequate

Inadequate

(rough draft)

A DreamWorks' _How to Train Your Dragon_ fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Hiccup feels like an inadequate boyfriend. Hiccup/Astrid

A/N: Ftr, I don't actually condone this level of... I felt uncomfortable writing it, but I didn't know what to do because it had a characterization purpose. *sweatdrop*

Takes place a couple of months after HTTYD1.

o.o.o

Maybe it was the darkness and solitude that made her feel bold. Astrid was pretty sure that if it was full daylight, she wouldn't have climbed on top of this beautiful boy and pinned him down and stuck her tongue down his throat. All her kisses before now had been brief, almost chaste, little rewards she couldn't help throwing at him whenever he'd done something to particularly impress her.

Yet when they were alone out here at night, with the stars shining overhead and not another human soul on this entire island; when Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was lying so close to her, rambling in that adorably ridiculous way of his and so temptingly unaware of how much she wanted to touch him...

He was stiff beneath her (his whole body, not just the part she expected to be), and when she happened to brush across his chest, she felt how quickly his heart was beating. She paused and pressed her palm against his chest to confirm it, heard his ragged breathing, sensed him trembling a little, and somehow got the impression that all of it was for the wrong reasons.

"Hiccup," she whispered.

He made a sound as if he was trying to speak, but it wasn't coherent.

Uncertain now, Astrid cupped his face between her hands and lowered her head to kiss him again, more gently this time. She had only just started to probe at his teeth with her tongue when he jerked, managing to turn his head away on the second try.

A surge of anger spiked through her, and her fists hit the ground on either side of his head. "You think I'm _that_ disgusting?" she hissed.

"Please, Astrid." It was practically a sob, which stopped her from storming away.

"Hiccup?" Concerned now, she stroked her fingers through his hair. "What's...what's wrong?" She'd read him wrong, she was being too forward, he didn't want it or enjoy it, he-

"A-Astrid...I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Sorry for _what_?"

"I...can't..."

"What is it?" she demanded. "I don't get it, Hiccup. You spend five years panting after me when I wouldn't give you the time of day, now suddenly I _want_ you, and NOW you decide you're not interested?!"

His breathing had evened out, but now he was shaking even more. "I'm sorry," he said again in a very small voice. "I've...I'm really good at...being disappointing, I thought you knew that..."

" _Huh_?!"

His palms very lightly brushed against her sides. Suddenly desperate, she seized his hands and tried to force them onto her bare flesh, but he gasped and struggled until she let him yank his hands away.

"What's your _problem_ , Hiccup?!"

"I'm sorry, Astr-"

"Stop apologizing and TELL ME!" she screamed into his face.

She heard him gulp. "Y-You...were really impressed by the, uh... It's true. You really can't get a date on Berk until you've killed a dragon."

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"The Red Death...I killed it...you wouldn't even look at me before, but now I- I earned it, I guess, but I...I don't...I'm expecting..."

"This is _so_ frustrating." She wanted very much to get up and march away, but a part of her couldn't bear to leave him. She wondered how long he would talk before he'd let her kiss him again. "Why don't you want me to kiss you?"

"I DO!" he burst out, surprising her. "I-I'd give, you, every kiss, it-"

"Do you want me to kiss you again?" she asked, and was disappointed and confused when the only answer was a whimper. "...Kiss me," she finally said.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Why _not_?! Don't you like me?!"

"I don't deserve you."

"What?" she said blankly.

"...I'm going to touch you," he warned. " _Please_ don't touch me."

"What?! What?!" Then she closed her eyes and made a ridiculous little moan, considering that his hands simply rested against her waist, separated from her flesh by a layer of clothing.

"Astrid," he said quietly, "I've wanted you for years. I've had...dreams-"

She giggled.

"Astrid, listen. This is how it usually goes - I mean, when it's more realistic and less embarrassing. I flirt with you, you condescend to me, you tease me, and finally once I'm so miserable I want to die, you let me touch you the way a goddess lets some mortal worm grovel to her, and I'm _grateful_ you even let me get that far."

She didn't know how to feel, caught between being flattered and uneasy.

"I'm not used to this," he whispered. "I don't- I _don't know how to deal with this_."

"'This,' as in...?"

"Why do you want me?" There were practically tears in his voice. "What do you _want_ from me?!"

"I- Hiccup-" Wasn't it obvious?! She leaned to kiss him again, but stopped when he started gasping as if he couldn't breathe. "What's wrong with you?!"

"Everything!" he exploded. "EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME, Astrid! As I've been told _very_ often and _very_ clearly for pretty much my entire life. EVERYTHING is wrong with me but YOU are perfection incarnate, so WHY do you keep doing this?! What do you want?! I can't give it to you, Astrid! What you're looking for, _I don't have it_! When is the novelty of me _finally_ doing something right for once going to wear off?! Wh-When are you going to leave me, Astrid?! I-It hurts so much, I'm starting to think I'd rather you just leave _now_ than keep-!"

She rested her forehead on his bony shoulder and burst into tears.

He seemed to stiffen in shock for a moment, but when she kept crying, he relaxed a little and put his arms around her, making quiet soothing sounds.

She couldn't make herself stop. She'd never felt such guilt before, regret that this treasure had been sitting right under her nose for her _entire life_ , yet she'd done nothing but overlook it and kick dirt over it. How could she not have realized that Hiccup was hurting? How could she have spent _fifteen years_ denying his worth as a fellow human being, thinking that she was somehow better than him, thinking that gave her an excuse to dismiss him as useless? She felt like such a horrible, ugly person, it was unbearable.

When she wouldn't stop crying, he finally shifted to his side, cradling her close against him. Still she cried, and by the end of it, she was in his lap, her legs sprawled and her shoulders hunched so that she could tuck her head under his chin like a child. She was stronger and slightly taller than him; just minutes before, she'd had him pinned beneath her in subjugation - but now she was the one who felt small, with his arms warm and comforting around her.

When she was finally quiet, he murmured regretfully, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Shut up," she said dully.

"Okay."

It was so meek, she didn't like that. She wanted him to keep being strong, a boyfriend (he _was_ her boyfriend, right...?) she could be proud of, who would protect her in his own way just like she protected him in hers. "Don't shut up just because I tell you to!"

"...What do you want, Astrid?"

She sucked in a deep breath and then straightened, shifting to her knees so that she was facing him. She set her hands on his shoulders. "Hiccup, I'm _not_ perfection incarnate. Don't ever think of me like that again. I've screwed up just as badly as you have, _even worse than you have_ , for a little while there I hated myself so much I wanted to die. I'm _sorry_ , Hiccup. I don't know what to do, it's not enough, a stupid apology is so empty and useless, but I _wish_ I could redo my life! I want to go back and _see_ you the way you really are, I want to go back and _love_ you the way...the way that...I love you now." Her hands tightened nervously on his shoulders, but she forced herself to keep holding on.

"...I...you just...you just said something there that I don't know what to do with-"

"You don't have to say you love me," she snapped. "I know I don't deserve that, it's _fine_. But just...just say something...give me some hope." She had no right to demand such a thing from him. "Please," she whispered.

Slowly, he reached out for her again and tugged her close, hiding his face against her shoulder. "I realized," he said, his voice muffled, "that I never really loved you." She stiffened and started to pull away, but he clung to her. "I thought...I thought I- I was so _stupid_ , a stupid teenage boy chasing after a hot girl way out of his league, but...Astrid...Astrid, I'm so sorry."

He raised his head to speak directly to her. He was trembling again, but his voice had hardened with determination. "I'm _sorry_. You're worth so much more than that. I realized it the first time you smiled at me for real...I realized, it's not just that you're beautiful...your smile is- your heart is-" He struggled for a minute, then finally burst out, "I realized I've never loved you, because now that I've finally, _finally_ started to see the real you - I'm scared of you!"

"I- You know I, I won't _hurt_ you, Hiccup, I can start training with you-"

He gave a slightly hysterical little laugh. "Not your fists, Astrid. Nope, _those_ I can deal with." His fingers tightened nervously again. "I'm talking about...how you're not some cold, distant goddess...you're a girl, a-a woman, and you're kind, and...and you should have someone, someone who adores you for who you really are, someone who would do anything for you and protect you and provide for you, and...and I...and I know I can never be the kind of, the kind of partner you need, and...it terrifies me when you act like you _want_ me, NOW, _now_ when I finally realize how completely and totally inadequate I am for you!"

"..."

"...I'm sorry," he whispered. "You can leave now, if you want."

She punched his shoulder, though she was careful to do it lightly. He still groaned and rubbed at it as if she had socked him with her full strength. " _Hiccup_. I think _I'm capable_ of choosing _my own_ man who suits _me_ and _what I want_."

"You... I mean-"

"You think I'm blind to your faults?"

"Hah! No..."

"You think I don't _know_ that I might always have to make up the difference, do things for us that the girl isn't 'supposed' to have to do?"

"I-"

"I'm expecting you to take on _your_ share, too."

"Huh?"

"YOU, Hiccup. There are things you can do, things you think of, ways you can protect me and make our lives better that I could _never do_." She reached out and buried her hands in his hair, tugging him closer. "You let me do what I'm good at; I'll let you do what you're good at. _Value_ me for what makes me valuable, and I promise I will always do the same for you." She wondered why he wouldn't answer, and finally realized that he was trying very hard to hide his tears from her. "I love you," she whispered.

After a long time, he was finally able to manage, "You really...you really do want me? You want _Hiccup_?"

"I want you, Hiccup," she said firmly.

"I am not used to that, I am so not used to this, aaahhh, you know you're scaring me to death right now, I'm _always_ the one doing the wanting, this is, why can't _Astrid Hofferson_ keep her hands off _me_ , why haven't I woken up from this dream yet...?!"

She let him calm down a little, then leaned to kiss him again. She didn't know how to explain why she couldn't keep her hands off him, either; it wasn't like he had changed. He was still as small and bony as ever, he still had the same body she had once found repulsive, but it was like her genuine feelings for him somehow made him physically attractive to her now.

Why was he stopping her?!

"A...Astrid..."

"I _told_ you I want you, Hiccup! Why-?!"

"Astrid, can I please kiss you?"

"What do you think I've been trying to do?!"

"Astrid, can _I_ please have permission to kiss _you_?"

"What?"

"You do realize I've never kissed you before, right?"

"NEVER-?!"

"Astrid. Dearest."

The endearment froze her. It sounded so strange coming from him, but also _wonderful_.

"Not that I will ever complain about getting kissed by the most beautiful girl in the world, but you do realize that we've been dating- At least, I assume we're dating, we never really clarified that-"

"We are," she said anxiously. That had started bothering her a bit, too, the fact that they'd never verbalized it to each other. "You're my boyfriend." She had to work hard not to make it sound like a question.

"Awesome. But yeah, we've been dating for two months, and despite what you may think, I _do_ have a very small sliver of manliness that I kind of keep hopelessly clinging to, and it would make that sliver feel a lot better if I could be the man for once and, you know, kiss you. Instead of always _getting_ kissed like a good little damsel."

She giggled, finally understanding. "You're worrying about your manly pride?"

"A little," he said plaintively.

Grinning, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him over her so that she was reclining against him in a submissive pose. "Go ahead, then," she whispered, feeling an unexpected little thrill. He was right, she _couldn't_ remember having ever been kissed by him before, and while she usually gloried in being strong and powerful and dominant, there was also a bit of unexpected appeal in giving up some control.

"Oh man, now I'm nervous," he chuckled shakily.

"Even if you're terrible, I promise I won't laugh at you."

"Uh huh."

"Much."

He muttered something under his breath, then pushed her to the ground and knelt over her and took hold of her head and kissed her more slowly and tenderly than she expected after all that.

She decided she liked it. Not for _all_ the time; she hoped he'd soon add some rougher, more passionate kisses to his repertoire. However, at this moment, when she was learning to treasure Hiccup's unique gentleness, she enjoyed it.

o.o.o

Author's Notes: I think this is only my second actual HiccStrid story. ^^; You know, I get annoyed with HiccStrid fics that marginalize Toothless, yet here when I'm the one writing a fic that focuses on HiccStrid - poor Toothless & Stormfly don't even get MENTIONED. X'D Oh well; I've got a zillion HiccTooth fics to make up for it... If I was a better writer, I'd find a way to integrate the dragons naturally, but I feel lazy and don't want to try to revise yet.

I keep feeling like I've written a "Hiccup kissing Astrid for the first time rather than the other way around" scene before, but I can't actually remember a story where I might have done that. o.O

Although I like Hiccup/Astrid as a couple, I don't like a lot of the HiccStrid fanfiction I've read, because I'm really picky about how I like to see their relationship portrayed. They have an unusual relationship dynamic, which means that they get OOC when people write typical romances about them. Hiccup is not manly and buff and impressive and overbearing, okay? He _looks_ like he gained a little muscle in HTTYD2, but that's _only_ because of the way his flight suit's designed; he's actually still as skinny as ever, and he does _not_ have broad shoulders. He's still dorky and nerdy, and he's _gentle_. People love Hiccup _because_ of his extremely risky, dangerous, and courageous technique of making himself incredibly vulnerable to people who could hurt him badly. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III is _not a dark handsome rugged strong-armed romance novel hero_ , and Astrid Hofferson is _not a weak manipulative simpering romance novel heroine_ , so I don't know why so many people write them that way. This is one of the _very_ few couples that I actually enjoy seeing sexualized, but only because the sexual aspect is an _expression_ of their individual personalities and their unique relationship with each other. It falls really flat when writers (so, so many of them...) just exploit them for mindless OOC porn.

Anyway, I like HiccStrid, but I'm really picky about how it's portrayed, and I often write stories as a way to process my feelings or opinions, so I think writing this fic was a way to sort through my feelings about this pairing. PLEASE NOTE that even though I wrote this thing myself, it's not actually the sort of HiccStrid fic I would most enjoy reading; it's more of a fictionalized journal entry than anything else. *sweatdrop* I was _attempting_ to capture Hiccup's vulnerability, and that beautiful, unique way he somehow manages to transform his weaknesses into strengths. I love the idea of him having insecurity issues, of being taken aback and even frightened when the tables suddenly turn, and this untouchable gorgeous Amazon he's been hopelessly chasing for so long suddenly thinks he's desirable and wants to gobble him up. XD It's almost like he tried so hard _because_ he knew he never really had a chance with her, and now that what he thought he wanted is suddenly being served to him on a silver platter, he's being forced to re-evaluate his feelings and start seeing and valuing Astrid for who she really is, which reflects the way Astrid is finally seeing and valuing _his_ true self.

I think I'm doing that thing again, where I write a ton of fanfiction to procrastinate on what I'm actually supposed to be doing. orz I'm getting ready to move to a new apartment, I should be working on filling out the application, not writing a totally random HiccStrid fanfic...


	2. Official

Official

(rough draft)

A Dreamworks' _How to Train Your Dragon_ fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Snotlout and the others learn that Hiccup & Astrid's relationship is now official.

o.o.o

Astrid was so used to fending off Snotlout's pathetic attempts to woo her that she could do it in her sleep by now.

"You know there's room for two on Hookfang's saddle, right?" Snotlout said with a suggestive smirk as the teens were wrapping up dragon training for the day. "Well, heh, it'll be a tight squeeze, but so much the better, right?" His fat fingers slid across her skin.

Astrid was in the process of grimacing in disgust and reaching up to break her harasser's arm when something unexpected happened.

Hiccup's voice was mild as he said, "You maybe wanna take your hands off my girlfriend, Snotlout?"

Everyone stared at him for a minute. Hiccup gazed back at them with a very small smile, glancing sideways at them as he absently caressed Toothless. Astrid felt a little breathless and fluttery; the others all looked shocked.

"Your _what_?" Snotlout finally burst out in a snorting laugh.

"I _knew_ it," Fishlegs whispered to himself, looking both excited at being right and disappointed at losing the battle for the most desired female in their generation.

Hiccup's eyes were now all for his dragon. "Hey, Toothless, I have a girlfriend now~" he cooed softly. Toothless warbled with pleasure as the boy's fingers scratched under his chin and behind his head plates. "Did you know, that, huh? Did you know that~?"

Astrid wasn't sure whether to be delighted that Hiccup was openly declaring his relationship with her to the whole group, or exasperated that he was insecure enough to bury it in the much safer affection he had for his dragon.

" _I_ didn't know that," Tuffnut remarked with very mild interest. "Did _you_ know that?" he asked his sister.

" _Duh_ , she kissed him and stuff."

"Oh yeah..."

"Technically, a celebratory kiss after a traumatic event or during a holiday isn't necessarily proof of an official relationship," Fishlegs started, but nobody was listening to him.

" _Astrid Hofferson_ isn't _your_ girlfriend," Snotlout scoffed at Hiccup. Then he turned an ingratiating smile on Astrid and said, "Right? You can do _way_ better than this toothpick. Case in point." He flexed his muscles.

Astrid rolled her eyes. "He _is_ my boyfriend, and you'd better listen when he says to keep your dirty paws off me."

"Or what?" Snotlout taunted. " _Hiccup's_ gonna fight me to defend his territory? I'd like to see the little runt tr- OOOOWWW!"

Astrid stepped back in satisfaction, her hand still curled into a fist.

"The territory thing is totally the other way around," Ruffnut cackled.

"Just out of curiosity," Fishlegs ventured, a little wistfully, "was it the Red Death thing? That, you know...won you over?"

"It was the 'Hiccup is a better man than I ever gave him credit for' thing," Astrid said shortly. She suspected that Hiccup happened to dip his head at that moment so that his longish hair could hide the color of his face.

"She called _Hiccup_ a 'man,'" Tuffnut laughed. He paused. "Wait, so does that make _me_ a man? 'Cause teeeechnically I just turned 15, so I'm an adult now, but Hiccup's the only one who's killed a dragon, buuuuut now we don't kill dragons anymore, so if there's no more rite of passage - I'M GONNA BE A KID FOREVER?!"

Everyone except Ruffnut had long since started tuning him out. "Hiccup's not supposed to be anyone's boyfriend!" Snotlout was insisting, angry now. "I mean, can you even SEE him ordering a woman around? I CAN'T, that's for sure!"

Astrid didn't even have words for such stupidity.

"So that's the standard?" Hiccup sounded amused, but the expression on his face was a little odd when Astrid glanced at him. "Can you honestly see Astrid Hofferson letting _anyone_ order her around, much less me?"

"She won't even come if you call her! Now, if it was _me_ -"

"Woman, get your shapely backside over here _now_." Hiccup's tone was teasing enough that he wouldn't lose face if Astrid blew him off, which everyone was clearly expecting her to do.

Astrid lifted her chin. She would come when Hiccup called her, him only, because he was hers. She sashayed over to her boyfriend and loomed over him, one hand planted on the dragon behind him as if to wall him in, the other coming to rest rather low on his waist. Hiccup had shrunk back into Toothless at her close proximity, shoulders slouched, eyes wide, his expression a mix of apprehension and exhilaration. Toothless sniffed at both of them curiously. "Well, darling," Astrid murmured in what she hoped was a sultry tone, "I'm here. What are you going to do with me?"

She could hear the others in the background, Snotlout yelling, Fishlegs exclaiming, the twins laughing, but she no longer cared about them.

Without a word, Hiccup reached up, gently tugged the hair tie off her braid, then started running his fingers through her hair to unplait it. Astrid realized with a shock that she couldn't remember a male ever touching her hair in such a way before, that she would have attacked _anyone_ else who tried. Yet the feel of Hiccup's hands in her hair and on her scalp was unexpectedly, deliciously intimate. Seized with a sudden appetite, she dipped her head to work her lips and teeth against his neck.

"A-Astrid-!"

Toothless apparently lost interest and moved away, sending the humans who'd been braced against him toppling downward. The thought flashed through Astrid's mind that Hiccup wore no protective clothing like she did; if he hit the ground as hard as she knew he would, unable to catch himself and with her weight on top of him-

She twisted so she hit the ground a split second before he did, taking the brunt of the impact with her armor. Her arms had instinctively wrapped around him, her hands protectively cupping the back of his head.

"Astrid!" Hiccup gasped.

"I'm fine." She hoisted herself back to her feet and did a few stretches to test her body. Her hip was slightly sore, but otherwise she felt fine. "Hiccup?"

"Are you okay?!"

"Of course. _You're_ the one I'm worried about." She shoved up his sleeve so she could check his arm for injury, grinning a little at his yelp. Then she grabbed his tunic as if intending to yank it free of his belt and push it up, knowing he would stop her but kind of wishing he wouldn't.

" _Astrid_!" Sure enough, he was struggling to keep his tunic tucked in.

"Is it still 'love on the battlefield~' if this isn't a battlefield?" Ruffnut wondered inanely in the background.

She was nearly drowned out by Snotlout, who was yelling some very annoying things. Astrid whirled on him. "How about this," she snapped. "I'll kiss Hiccup every time you say something stupid right now, until you finally get the hint and _go away_. Or until he'll have to ask for my hand in marriage in order to save my honor, whichever comes first." She heard Hiccup make a shaky exclamation in the background.

"This is just a, a- a _phase_ , isn't it! Because of the stupid Red Death! I'll be waiting, Astrid; when you get tired of the hiccup and _I_ save Berk, I'll be-! AAHH, STOP IT!"

Astrid dragged her lips away from Hiccup's just long enough to whisper, "I lost track. How many stupid comments was that?"

"Keep talking, Snotlout," Hiccup called dreamily, and tugged Astrid closer again to press his lips to hers.

"YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE ME PUKE!"

o.o.o

Author's Notes: Me being me, I decided to OCD over my headcanon for HiccStrid's relationship (like, mapping out how I think it should have developed between HTTYD1 and HTTYD2). So this is sort of like a standalone sequel to _Inadequate_.

I think that the twins should still be 14 at this point in the timeline, but I needed them to have a recent birthday for the sake of the plot. *sweatdrop* Please just ignore it as one of the many discrepancies between my fics.

I'm starting to think that, for me, trying to write pure HiccStrid is the same as trying to write Xion/Vanitas in the KH fandom was...I love it in theory and in certain fanworks by other people, but I can't seem to get it right myself. :/


	3. Caught

**_LSLS: Caught_** **(rough draft)**

 **A DreamWorks'** ** _How to Train Your Dragon_** **fanfic by Raberba girl**

 _Requested by an anonymous reader. :p_

Summary: Stoick catches Hiccup and Astrid making out.

o.o.o

Hiccup had the vague thought in the back of his mind that this was quickly going to get out of hand, they really needed to stop - but it felt so good, maybe just one more kiss-

The sound of the door banging open made Astrid yelp and jerk away, and sent a jolt of horror through Hiccup. He silently begged that it would be anyone, _anyone_ other than his father who had just walked in on them.

Stoick the Vast stood framed in the doorway, staring.

"H-Hello, chief," Astrid said with a nervous smile.

Stoick stammered incoherently.

"Um, okay, so, Dad, I know this looks really bad, but...buuuut..."

Astrid looked at him curiously, probably wondering what sort of silver-tongued excuse he'd manage to come up with this time.

Hiccup was completely blanking out. "She's still a virgin," he finally blurted.

Astrid raised an eyebrow, as if to say, _"_ That's _the best you could come up with?"_

"Eeeharmmm, Astrid," Stoick muttered, "you'd better...you'd better get on home to your mother now..."

"Yes, sir." Astrid glanced back at Hiccup, and he could see the moment on her face when she reluctantly decided against kissing him goodbye. She did dare to brush his hair out of his eyes and murmur, "See you later, babe," before climbing off of him and edging out of the house past Stoick.

Hiccup sat up, his knees drawn to his chest, his head hanging, waiting to be yelled at.

Stoick slammed the door shut and snapped, "You had _better_ be intending to marry that girl."

"We _are_ gonna get married," Hiccup mumbled, mentally cringing at the idea. He did want to marry Astrid eventually, but not soon, not for a loooooong time yet, not until after he'd had a chance to truly stretch his wings. Then he jerked up his head in alarm at his father's triumphant laugh. "SOMEDAY, Dad! I didn't propose, I did _not_ propose yet, we're gonna get married someday but _not soon_ , we're not committed yet!"

Stoick scowled. "No man should be doing things like that with a woman he's not committed to. Don't shame her."

"I won't!" Hiccup hated that he felt like a little kid again instead of the legal adult he technically was. "It's not like no one else does it, Dad! I bet _you_ and Mom sneaked off sometimes and-"

"AHEM, we'd better get supper started," Stoick boomed.

Hiccup rolled his eyes and straightened his clothes as he stood up.

The silence was heavy between them as they prepared the meal together and brought out some plates. Neither of them spoke a word during the first several bites.

Then Stoick burst out, "Why was she on top?!"

Hiccup choked on his mouthful of food. "D... _Dad_...!"

"I mean," Stoick fretted, "I know you're not... You're...an unusual sort of lad, but, you know...you're still a man, Hiccup."

"Whyyyyy are we talking about this?" Hiccup wailed, covering his face.

"You know you'll be expected to- You're _already_ fighting an uphill battle, you can't afford- It's not normal-"

Hiccup shot to his feet, his fists clenched and his face red as he glared in his father's general vicinity without being able to actually meet his eyes. "Dad, when have I ever, EVER been normal?! WHY would you expect me to magically start fitting in with the real Vikings just because I have a girlfriend now?!"

"Hiccup-"

"I can't protect her, okay?! She's stronger than me, more confident than me, more _everything_ than me... Dad, I _can't_ be the kind of boyfriend I'm 'supposed' to be, okay?" There were frustrated tears in his eyes. "All I can be is _me_. And she KNOWS that. We've TALKED about that, and she's _fine_ with it." He sucked in a shaky breath. "I've only ever done anything right when I did it my own way."

"...That's true," Stoick muttered after a long silence. He sighed. Then he frowned. "Up to a certain point. Don't think you can get away with taking advantage of her just because you're 'different.'"

"Daaaaaad, I won't...if anything, she's the one who likes taking advantage of _me_..."

o.o.o

Author's Notes: Gah, this series is making me really uncomfortable. I feel like I'm condoning in these fics a level of non-marital intimacy that I _don't_ actually condone in real life. I just don't know how else to write it with characters who don't share my beliefs/morals/worldview. :/

Argh, _where is Toothless_?! D: I should never again complain about those HiccStrid fics that ignore Toothless, because even though platonic HiccTooth is my freaking OTP, for some reason it's _hard_ for me to write Toothless in a HiccStrid fic! D: It's much easier to write Astrid in a HiccTooth fic.

One thing that _does_ still bug me about a lot of the HiccStrid fics I've seen is when the characters have completely modern morals and opinions on issues such as marriage. The culture of Berk's Vikings isn't historically accurate, but it's not completely modern, either.

Ftr, Stoick is being unintentionally hypocritical - he feels like he's manly enough to handle letting Valka be on top whenever she wants, but that Hiccup can't "afford" to do the same.

Although I like hearing story requests, I won't commit to writing them. (Unless it's for a prize or a kiriban or something, but those are closed at the moment because I already have too many to catch up on.) Requested stories only get written and finished if I have enough inspiration and free time, which doesn't happen often when it comes to requests. But every once in a while it does, such as here, where I read the review and was like, "Lol, that would be funny, but I'm sure I won't write it," yet right afterward, Stoick came up with the "Why was she on top?!" line and made me want to write it after all. XD

I decided that I need to give my HiccStrid stories a series title, because these one-shots are kind of like standalone chapters of one story, and it looks like I'm writing them more quickly than I expected to. I've always had trouble coming up with story titles, I know that "Lord of the Skies, Lady of the Sword" sounds ridiculous, but I couldn't think of anything better. *sweatdrop* If I ever actually finish the series, I might just go back and turn it into a multi-chapter rather than a one-shot series the way it is now.


	4. Inadequate, version 2

Inadequate, version 2 [censored version]

(rough draft)

A DreamWorks' _How to Train Your Dragon_ fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Re-write of _Inadequate_ , because the original version makes me cringe.

o.o.o

Astrid had spent so long being disgusted by the opposite sex that even when she finally, _finally_ found an attractive male specimen (well...when she finally realized that an attractive male specimen had been right under her nose all these years), it took a little time for her to get used to the idea that she could _want_ to be close to him and touch him and kiss him.

The first kiss had been impulsive, a little "I'm mad at you but I'm not actually mad at you" gesture.

She'd had more time to think about the second kiss, enough time to be nervous and then to do it anyway, to tell him without words how glad she was to see him awake, and to put a claim on him in front of the whole village, so that Berk would know that their new hero belonged to her.

Then the comfort kiss, because she could see _how much_ he was hurting even though he'd made everyone else _so happy_.

Then the reward kiss, because it surely must have galled him to make that sacrifice for Snotlout, who'd done nothing to deserve it, but Hiccup had taken the loss so gracefully. She wanted to show him how much he admired him, and that he really was a winner despite the lack of medals around his neck.

So Hiccup had always _earned_ her kisses. But after weeks of thinking about him and watching him and falling, bit by bit, a little more in love with him almost every day, Astrid was starting to get comfortable with the idea that she could want to kiss him just because he was amazing and she loved him and was attracted to him. Not because he'd done anything in particular or needed an extra boost, but because he was her boyfriend and she wanted to.

"...so I was thinking if I just do some more sanding, it should really-"

What was he babbling about, again? Didn't matter. They were alone and it was late and dark and safe, and he was so warm lying beside her, gesticulating at the stars as he spoke. Astrid turned, knelt over him, and kissed him.

His startled noise was muffled by her mouth. After a moment of hesitation, he lightly rested his hands against her waist and kissed her back, but then tried to pull away. She held him tighter and forced her tongue deeper, then let go of him so she could yank his tunic free of his belt and slide her hands over his deliciously bare flesh.

[. . .]

Astrid finally gave a long sigh. "Marry me soon, Hiccup." She wanted him in a bed, not a hilltop in the middle of nowhere; she wanted to do whatever she liked to him without her mother's _"Don't even think of letting anyone near your maidenhead before he's bound himself and his wealth to you"_ nag at the back of her mind.

He flinched, then struggled over until he was facing her again. "Marry- What?"

She froze, shocked and starting to be outraged. Snotlout or Tuffnut, she could have understood, but she hadn't expected Hiccup to be that sort of man. "Yes, _marry_ ," she said in a dangerous tone. "Just because you're the 'Pride Of Berk' now doesn't mean you can get away with _using_ me without committing to me."

"No, no, I mean-! That's not what I meant; you mean, you _want_ to marry me?"

Why did he sound so shocked? Hadn't they been dating for almost two months now? What had _he_ thought those kisses meant?!

"I...I thought you liked me," she said uncertainly, not quite sure yet whether to feel horrified or angry. How, how could she possibly have been mistaken?! Hadn't he been madly in love with her for the past five years...?!

" _I_ do, I mean-! I mean...I don't know what I mean," he said in a small voice.

They stared at each other. "...We _are_ dating, right?" she said. It occurred to her that neither of them had never stated this outright - could she possibly be _wrong_?

He drew in a breath. "Ohhh...yes. Yes, we are dating, you are my...girlfriend." Contrary to his actual assertions, he sounded like he was only just realizing this, like all his dreams had _just now_ come true instead of having already been true for a while.

"You don't sound convinced!"

"Convinced?! Um, you're my girlfriend- I love you! I love you more than anything, I adore you and would die for you, I would do anything for you, and now you're totally going to break up with me, aren't you."

" _What_?"

"What?"

They stared at each other again. "...I think we are not on the same page," she finally said.

He gulped. "This page is good. I like this page."

"Hiccup, we're fifteen years old, and you've killed your first dragon. Not...not the most typical initiation, but you _did_ do it, you're an adult now. I...I mean, I know none of the rest of us have, but _obviously_ things are different now than they were for the past 300 years, maybe training a dragon can count as an initiation now instead of killing one; and your dad was giving me the impression that he's expecting and announcement any day now, and..." She hated, hated, hated feeling confused and uncertain about anything, much less something like this. "Why haven't you proposed to me yet, Hiccup...?" _'If you reject me after stringing me along all this time, I_ will _hit you.'_

He was still staring at her like she was an apparition. "I...didn't...know...you wanted me to."

She stared back, at a loss. "... _How_ was I not clear?!"

"I, I, no, I mean, it's just, uh...I'm still, uh, waiting for the phase to pass. You know?"

It seemed like she just got more confused the more she talked to him. " _What_ phase?"

"You know...the phase where people actually like me?" He sounded almost cheerful when he said that, though his voice dipped into a low, sad tone as he added, "The phase where _you_ like me. And look at me without disgust, and listen to what I have to say without cutting me off, and k-kiss me without it being a, a daydream..."

She kept staring at him, guilt now squirming in her heart.

He winced. "It just...I just...I'd rather be your toy for as long as you'll have me and get thrown away whenever you're tired of me than for me to...than for us to get married, and then you remember one day how much you hate me, and divorce me. Or...or stay married but don't want anything to do with me. I can... I don't want to do that. I'd rather have _this_ than that."

"What...what makes you think I would _do_ that?! Why would you ever, ever think I would do that?!"

"I..." He dragged himself to his feet and started dusting himself off, not looking at her. "I'd better go home, it's late..."

" _Hiccup_." She grabbed his arm. "Do you really think so little of me?!"

He cringed. "Urgh, I'm sorry, no, you are a very responsible and not-fickle person-"

"Stop that," she ordered sharply, and he immediately stopped speaking. "Don't _ever_ do that to me again, Hiccup."

"Okay?! I won't, I promise! Got it!"

"You don't even know what you did wrong, which means you're _still_ doing it."

He gulped. "I shouldn't talk, should I. I should just shut up and let you hit me or something."

" _Stop_ , Hiccup," she exclaimed in exasperation. _'Do I really hit him that much...?'_ "Don't ever rattle off what you think I want to hear just to appease me. Just to _write me off_ , get me to shut up and leave you alone. Don't do that."

"Astrid," he wailed, "I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't understand! I thought we _knew_ where we stood! I- If you need an apology, I suppose I..." She took a deep breath. "I do owe you one. I know I used to be wrong about a lot of things, and I didn't understand you, and I didn't treat you the way I should have. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Hiccup, and I wish I could go back and do it over again."

She took both his hands in hers. "But it's different now, I understand who you are, and I love you - I _love you_ , Hiccup, this is not a fling and you are not a toy - and since we're both adults and we love each other - I _assume_ you still love me, you're making me think I misunderstood - and we'd make a good match even if we weren't, everyone's been expecting a marriage proposal. No one really knows what you're waiting for."

His fingers tightened on hers. "I guess...I just don't understand...why you like me-" He sucked in a deep breath. "No. I know why you want me now, and that's fine. It was...pretty impressive, taking down a mega-dragon. I'm cool, great. I just...I just don't understand...why you want _this_ , too," he said, pulling a hand free to gesture down at his body.

"...You don't think you're attractive," she realized.

"I'm _not_ attractive."

Well, it was true in a way, but she'd actually forgotten. "You're not tall and muscly and Viking-like. There's a difference."

He stared at her.

She drew him close, locking an arm around his waist and holding his head so she could kiss him slowly and thoroughly. "...There's a difference," she finally whispered.

He made a noise as if he meant to speak, but then gave up.

She rested her forehead against his. "It's like...when I started liking _you_ , I started liking your body, too. I don't know why."

He laughed as if he didn't believe her, but then hugged her tightly and buried his face in her shoulder.

They stood holding each other like that for a long time, then he pulled away and took her face in his hands. "Hold still, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to?"

She smiled a little and held still and was delighted when he kissed her.

When he finished, he smiled back. "That was my first one."

"First what?"

"The first time I kissed you."

She laughed. "Your counting skills need some work, babe." She loved the way he shivered in her arms at the endearment.

"No," he said warmly. "I mean the first time _I_ kissed _you_."

"Oh, are we keeping track of that sort of thing? What, your manliness was feeling threatened?" she teased.

She didn't expect him to agree. "Yes." He sighed a little. "I know it's dumb, but I _am_ a guy, Astrid, and I really will do anything for you, but it...kind of makes me feel a little better when I can at least act a _little_ bit like a man _sometimes_..."

"Aww." She suddenly hiked him up into a bridal carry. He yelped and then glared at her. "So is _this_ threatening to your manly pride?"

"Yes," he sulked. "Yes, it is."

He was adorable and she felt very loving and affectionate toward him in that moment, but at the same time, she understood. She set him back on his feet. "Okay, babe," she murmured, kissing his cheek and then the corner of his mouth and then more of his face until he finally stopped pouting and smiled. "Let me know whenever you need a manliness boost, and I'll massage your muscles and tell you how brave and smart you are."

" _What_ muscles?" he laughed.

She demonstrated, loving the excuse to touch him again. "These~"

"Mm..."

"And these~" She moved from his admittedly lean but well-defined biceps to his narrow shoulders as he grunted in pleasure. Then yelped in pain. "Sorry!" she exclaimed. "You're so bony..."

"Nice job boosting my manly pride."

"I suppose you still ride a Night Fury. You get some Manly Points for that."

"I do ride a Night Fury," he preened.

"I hope you don't think you'll lose any points with the _other_ kind of riding, because I'm looking forward to that."

He choked.

"Soon. Not yet. You haven't signed a marriage contract for me yet, after all."

"I...guess I'd...better get on that, huh?"

"Uh huh." She smiled. For now, let me ride home with you...?" Stormfly was out in the woods somewhere playing with Toothless, but tonight Astrid felt more like doubling up with Hiccup, holding him in her arms and feeling his warmth and heartbeat as they flew.

"Your wish is my command, milady~"

o.o.o

Author's Notes: This was a "scratch the writing itch" fic, because I haven't written anything in almost a week. I happened to be re-reading _Inadequate_...I hate that fic more and more every time I re-read it, so I decided to do a complete re-write. (I'll leave the original version up, though, since I figure there's probably _someone_ who likes it enough to be mad at me if I completely replace it with this version.) This version is better, but still misses the mark.

I'm starting to hate writing HiccStrid. I just _cannot_ get them to work the way they're supposed to be in canon, I do not understand them as a couple. The only times I've ever felt comfortable writing them so far have been in _Carried Off_ , where their relationship is heavily abusive and toxic, and _To Put It In Perspective_ , where they're dragon-style mates rather than human-style mates.


End file.
